Forthwith upright he rears from off the pool / His mighty stature
Paradise Lost, Book I, lines 221-222. Artist: Gustave Doré.
Friends of Lucifer
Copyright © 2015 by John Lauritsen
Looking forward to Blasphemy Day (30 September 2015), I have composed
a Hail Lucifer. One may notice resemblances to a prayer that is
daily by millions of the faithful.
Hail Lucifer, son of the morning.
Bearer of light.
Fairest art thou among
and fair unto Man is thy boon,
Rebel angel, lovely and proud,
blaze for us thinkers,
now and at the hour of our death.
The Back story:
Himmelhooch, or heavenly booze, is the drug of choice in Jehovah's part
of the sky. One day Lucifer drank too much and in a drunken outburst
told Jehovah: “You're just a fat, ill-tempered old fart!” Jehovah, who
was drunk on himmelhooch himself, went into a rage and cast Lucifer
from Heaven, along with the bad angels, who were laughing at Him.
Jehovah was resentful that Lucifer and his brother angels were all
slender, smooth, and beautiful; whereas his own body was ... not.
Agonising over this, He forbade nakedness among humans — which didn't
quite follow, but His other taboos (food, clothing, sex, etc.) weren't exactly logical either.
Anyway, Lucifer continued to drink himmelhooch, until one day his
nearest mate, Beelzebub (“Beeb”), said to him, “Luke, baby, you're not
looking well, and you're getting lines on your face.” Lucifer flew to a
mirror. A wrinkle? Quelle horreur!
This was his bottom. Beeb wasn't looking so hot either. They could tell
that they had a problem. So, Luke and Beeb talked it over, one addict
to another, admitted they were powerless over himmelhooch, and made a
pledge that, a day at a time, they would stay away from the first drink
of that insidious beverage. Now Lucifer is more gorgeous than ever.
(Angels don't age, as long as they take care of themselves.) Beeb's
body is buff again. They carried the message
of sobriety to their still suffering brothers; and now they enjoy a
fellowship of angels in recovery, who share experience, strength and
hope with each other.
Luke and Beeb avoid Jehovah's space, spending time below, where they
are teaching mortals to think for themselves. Sometimes they fraternise
with other sky gods, who serve ambrosia — which is nonintoxicating and
much tastier than himmelhooch.
Lucifer is working on his resentments, but he still has not made amends
for his unkind remark to Jehovah, contending: “Rigorous honesty compels
me to say that He is a fat, ill-tempered old fart.”
Jehovah, alas, is still hooked on himmelhooch, so there are wars,
earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and plagues.
Luciferian Groups: A theological point: Original Sin
was when Adam and Eve were enticed by Lucifer to eat fruit from the
tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If this be sin, then virtue is
ignorance. This is the crux of the matter: Lucifer's virtue consists of
knowledge; Jehovah's virtue, of ignorance. Lucifer is the angel of the
Enlightenment. Jehovah is the demon of the Dark Ages.
There are AA groups that recite the Lord's Prayer (LP) or have
readings from the Bible. Why not Hail Lucifer? If a light bulb can be
a Higher Power, why not Lucifer?
The obvious name for a Luciferian group is Friends of Lucifer. Other
names might be: Morning Stars, Fallen But Rising Again, Light Bearers,
or Enlightened Sobriety. A Luciferian group would retain the AA
Preamble and Traditions, the 24-Hour Plan and the Fellowship — perhaps
even the Steps, provided they were hung upside down. Instead of “How It
Works” or other readings from the Big Book, Luciferians might read from
Milton's Paradise Lost. Baudelaire's Litanies of Satan, or As Luke Sees It.
Of course, I'm just kidding, but there's a serious point here. I'm
still a godless infidel. I still think there should be no prayers of
any kind in AA meetings — not the LP, nor the Serenity Prayer, nor even
a Hail Lucifer.
In AA there is, or is supposed to be, great freedom both for groups and
for the individual. If there can be groups that recite a Christian
prayer and read from a Christian Bible, why not Communist groups, which
would close by singing The International; or right-wing groups, which would close with a pledge of allegiance to the flag? Why not, indeed?
The compelling argument against political or religious AA groups of any
kind is the universality of the AA Fellowship, as cogently described in
the AA Preamble and the Third Tradition. Alcoholics with a desire to
stop drinking should not be put off by sectarian politics or
religiosity. Newcomers should not be driven away by beliefs alien to
their own. Freethinkers should not be forced to jettison their
If for now there must be religious AA groups (especially including
those that recite the LP or read from the Christian Bible), then they
should be identified as such in meeting books: an R followed by a
hyphen. Thus, there would be R-C for a Christian group; R-B for a
Buddhist group; R-M for a Moslem group; R-J for a Jewish group; or R-L for a Luciferian group.
AA members can practise any religion they wish privately; they can
discuss how God helps them stay sober; but official religiosity is
out-of-place. AA meetings themselves should be secular. There should be
no prayers or wall hangings with the word God. There should be no
readings from the Big Book or the Twelve and Twelve,
which disparage nonbelievers or falsely claim that belief in God is
necessary for sobriety. If this requires a reformation, then let there
be one. The Fellowship belongs to all of us.
# # #