Luke & Beeb
Forthwith upright he rears from off the pool / His mighty stature
Paradise Lost, Book I, lines 221-222. Artist: Gustave Doré.

Friends of Lucifer
Copyright © 2015 by John Lauritsen

    Looking forward to Blasphemy Day (30 September 2015), I have composed a Hail Lucifer. One may notice resemblances to a prayer that is recited daily by millions of the faithful.

    Hail Lucifer!

                  Hail Lucifer, son of the morning.
                  Bearer of light.
                  Fairest art thou among angels,   
                  and fair unto Man is thy boon,
                  Rebel angel, lovely and proud,
                  blaze for us thinkers,
                  now and at the hour of our death.
The Back story: Himmelhooch, or heavenly booze, is the drug of choice in Jehovah's part of the sky. One day Lucifer drank too much and in a drunken outburst told Jehovah: “You're just a fat, ill-tempered old fart!” Jehovah, who was drunk on himmelhooch himself, went into a rage and cast Lucifer from Heaven, along with the bad angels, who were laughing at Him. Jehovah was resentful that Lucifer and his brother angels were all slender, smooth, and beautiful; whereas his own body was ... not. Agonising over this, He forbade nakedness among humans — which didn't quite follow, but His other taboos (food, clothing, sex, etc.) weren't exactly logical either.
    Anyway, Lucifer continued to drink himmelhooch, until one day his nearest mate, Beelzebub (“Beeb”), said to him, “Luke, baby, you're not looking well, and you're getting lines on your face.” Lucifer flew to a mirror. A wrinkle? Quelle horreur! This was his bottom. Beeb wasn't looking so hot either. They could tell that they had a problem. So, Luke and Beeb talked it over, one addict to another, admitted they were powerless over himmelhooch, and made a pledge that, a day at a time, they would stay away from the first drink of that insidious beverage. Now Lucifer is more gorgeous than ever. (Angels don't age, as long as they take care of themselves.) Beeb's body is buff again. They carried the messa
ge of sobriety to their still suffering brothers; and now they enjoy a fellowship of angels in recovery, who share experience, strength and hope with each other.
    Luke and Beeb avoid Jehovah's space, spending time below, where they are teaching mortals to think for themselves. Sometimes they fraternise with other sky gods, who serve ambrosia — which is nonintoxicating and much tastier than himmelhooch.
    Lucifer is working on his resentments, but he still has not made amends for his unkind remark to Jehovah, contending: “Rigorous honesty compels me to say that He is a fat, ill-tempered old fart.”
    Jehovah, alas, is still hooked on himmelhooch, so there are wars, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and plagues.

Luciferian Groups: A theological point: Original Sin was when Adam and Eve were enticed by Lucifer to eat fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If this be sin, then virtue is ignorance. This is the crux of the matter: Lucifer's virtue consists of knowledge; Jehovah's virtue, of ignorance. Lucifer is the angel of the Enlightenment. Jehovah is the demon of the Dark Ages.
    There are AA groups that recite the Lord's Prayer (LP) or have readings from the Bible. Why not Hail Lucifer? If a light bulb can be a Higher Power, why not Lucifer?
    The obvious name for a Luciferian group is Friends of Lucifer. Other names might be: Morning Stars, Fallen But Rising Again, Light Bearers, or Enlightened Sobriety. A Luciferian group would retain the AA Preamble and Traditions, the 24-Hour Plan and the Fellowship — perhaps even the Steps, provided they were hung upside down. Instead of “How It Works” or other readings from the Big Book, Luciferians might read from Milton's Paradise Lost. Baudelaire's Litanies of Satan, or As Luke Sees It.

Conclusion: Of course, I'm just kidding, but there's a serious point here. I'm still a godless infidel. I still think there should be no prayers of any kind in AA meetings — not the LP, nor the Serenity Prayer, nor even a Hail Lucifer.
    In AA there is, or is supposed to be, great freedom both for groups and for the individual. If there can be groups that recite a Christian prayer and read from a Christian Bible, why not Communist groups, which would close by singing The International; or right-wing groups, which would close with a pledge of allegiance to the flag? Why not, indeed?
    The compelling argument against political or religious AA groups of any kind is the universality of the AA Fellowship, as cogently described in the AA Preamble and the Third Tradition. Alcoholics with a desire to stop drinking should not be put off by sectarian politics or religiosity. Newcomers should not be driven away by beliefs alien to their own. Freethinkers should not be forced to jettison their intelligence.
    If for now there must be religious AA groups (especially including those that recite the LP or read from the Christian Bible), then they should be identified as such in meeting books: an R followed by a hyphen. Thus, there would be R-C for a Christian group; R-B for a Buddhist group; R-M for a Moslem group; R-J for a Jewish group; or R-L for a Luciferian group.
    AA members can practise any religion they wish privately; they can discuss how God helps them stay sober; but official religiosity is out-of-place. AA meetings themselves should be secular. There should be no prayers or wall hangings with the word God. There should be no readings from the Big Book or the Twelve and Twelve, which disparage nonbelievers or falsely claim that belief in God is necessary for sobriety. If this requires a reformation, then let there be one. The Fellowship belongs to all of us.

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